Friday, April 23, 2010

Time

I don't have time right now to go through all the events, thoughts and feeling of the last couple of weeks.  But I hope to tell Noah's story soon.  I need to share it.  If I don't it feels like he'll simply fade away. 

Usually I'm waiting for time to move by quicker: only one more hour until the honey is home - yeah!, when the kids are just a little bit older then we can do..., two more weeks until vacation, etc.  We're typically looking forward to something special and exciting.

Time feels like an enemy right now.  How can it already be a week and a day since Noah was born?  I didn't have enough time with him.  I want the time that we did have back.  The more that time goes by, the greater the distance between me and my littlest boy. 

Time fades memories.  Even though I truly purposed some special times that I had with the other kids to memory, it's gone.  I remember thinking, "Oh!  I'm need to remember this.  I'll write it in my head and on my heart".  The actual memory is gone.  I just remember thinking that I needed to remember it.

I cannot let time fade the memories of Noah away.  Even though I never truly "knew" him, I know who he was by the circumstances of his conception, through the changes in my heart that God has caused me to undergo, through all the people who have comforted and grieved with us, and through the path that God has set before me/us to continue walking on.  I need to cling to these things, or else it will have all been for nothing.  There is a greater story being written.  There is a purpose.  I pray God will reveal more and more of it in time.

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