Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Baby News

I wanted to share with you the findings from our ultrasound last Tues. But, I didn't want to share with you the news about the sex of the baby without then also telling you the name. Which brings me to why it's been over a week since we had our ultrasound and I'm just now writing. Which, I'll make you wait for just a couple more minutes while I share with you some of the thoughts which we put into the name.

With naming the other kids, meaning wasn't that important. We liked the names; we liked that you could shorten the names, etc. And we liked the fact that their names didn't have meaning like "husband slayer", which I kid you not, is the meaning of a girl's name. But we were never quite moved by the beautiful meaning of a name to go ahead, for meaning sake, and name a little girl Hephzibah (true name). Heppy for short?

With this precious one, meaning is very important. This little one will only have its name to express the purpose behind his/her life. But, having a name that isn't so popular that we would hear it out of every other parent's mouth, is also important. At this point I can only guess that it would be more painful than a blessed reminder to see another child with the same name, especially the same age.

Another side note before I get to the good stuff. From the beginning of our journey with this special baby, I've wanted to know the sex and give him/her a name. It just felt like that's what was needed to get to "know" this child as much as we can in the time that we have. What I didn't realize is that the more we know about this child, the more we truly "know" him/her and therefore...it gets personal, it gets real, it gets harder and harder to accept what's coming, and to say goodbye. It's easier to grieve for one you don't know, one that you haven't felt, one you've never seen. Once you know somebody, the pain of losing them is heart-wrenching.

At this point in my pregnancy, and in some way with my other pregnancies, it's hard to feel truly connected with the little life that's growing inside me. Although I've seen the little hands move and the little legs kick on the ultrasound screen; I've heard the strong heartbeat; my belly is growing...I have yet to feel this little one move inside me. It's so hard to really grasp that there is in fact a baby, a real live baby that is growing in me. I feel a little disconnected at times.

Last Tues. we found out we were having a boy. At first I was a little bit shocked - I was sure we were having a girl. Then I was happy - another little boy. But then...then I realized that I would never get to know my third son like I know my first two. Then it got hard. I realized that it was/is only going to get harder. I don't want to hurt. I don't like hard...especially not heart-hard.

A part of us pulled back from naming this little boy. Maybe it would be easier to stay somewhat disconnected. The more we know, the more it will hurt. God's voice of reason and peace spoke through our desire to protect our hearts and pushed us forward into the pain to get to know our little boy as much as we can...which meant, he needed a name.

We'd had the "short-list" of names I liked since last Wed. night. Tom and I stared at it, talked about it, scratched off some here and there, and then we'd put it away. Finally on Mon. night after the kids were in bed, I tried arranging the names that were left on the short-list together, first and middle to see what their combinations would mean. The moment I wrote it, I knew. It answered my hearts questions and calmed my fears. I ran over and showed Tom. He looked at it and nodded his headed very thoughtfully. We let it roll around in our heads and hearts for a couple of days, and then tonight we told the kids. They loved it.

I'd like you to meet our little boy:
Noah Tobias
"Take comfort, God is good"

-I was studying one of the videos that we got at the ultrasound and God gave me this little face to hold onto and get to "know".

16 comments:

Kira said...

He is beautiful.

Mitchell Family said...

Thank you, Jenn, for opening up your life and your heart to share this journey with us and allow us to get to know little Noah. The name couldn't be more perfect.

Tami Valles said...

Oh Jen, I LOVE the name! Thank you for sharing your heart! Still praying...

Laurie in Flag said...

Precious Jenn,
Thank you for introducing us to little Noah Tobias. You've named him well. We continue to pray that we will all recognize God's goodness and experience His indescribable peace as we walk this journey together. Much love to you all . . .

Tiffani said...

Wonderful name! I've always liked "Noah" for a boy. Will be praying for you all.

The Phillips Family said...

My heart is with you, and hope you know you are in my prayers everyday. Of course I love the name, we're a little bias over here, though!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sending me the link to your blog! Your words are so beautiful! What you wrote about the importance of his name is so true. I am so blessed to have been "introduced" to you and to have the privilege and honor to pray for another family going down this road. Noah Tobias is as beautiful as his name. Love to you!
Andi

Anonymous said...

He is beautiful and the name equally so. We continue to pray for the God of peace to guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. You are so dear to me. Thank you for sharing your walk.

Amanda

Keener Family said...

Beautiful. His name is perfect. Thank you for allowing us access to such an intimate time for you. You are very often in our prayers and thoughts.

-Keeners

Lori said...

It is a wonderful name. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. I pray that you are able to enjoy growing in your knowledge of him despite the painful heartache involved. We are lifting you up in prayer.

Kristen said...

What a perfect name Jenn. You are such thoughtful and loving parents to all of your children. =)

Suzanne said...

Jen,
Thank you for sharing little Noah's picture. May your heart truly rest and find comfort in God's hands. Our prayers with you constantly.
Suz,

Jenni said...

Hi Jenn, just want you to know I'm following your blog and your family is in my prayers. Noah is beautiful, beautiful baby, beautiful name.

angie said...

Beth shared your story with me a couple of months ago and you have often been in my prayers.

This is a beautiful post and a beautiful name for your son.

Bree said...

Just thinking about Noah tonight and remembering that he will have more than his name to show the meaning of him he has his LIFE that God has made and planned every step...... His life is already moving to show others God's power, love, comfort and grace...

oma said...

I love our little Noah Tobias so much already. I love you even more for carrying this precious gift. I know God will use your heartache to encourage others. I know your courage to carry has affected many lives already. So, so many people are praying for you. I am so proud to be your mom. I want the world to know that Jesus is the reason life goes on despite our heartaches.