On My Knees: Praising and Praying

I have sat down so many times to blog about life and... Life happened. Children need something or to go somewhere, the brain is in too deep a fog to write, what's really going on seems too hard to write about (seeing only the blobs of paint instead of backing up to see the masterpiece being created), or there's just not enough time.

But, now that it's been more than a year since I blogged last and the three "littles" are at VBS, I have time. The "littles" aren't really little anymore, as Jon is just about as tall as I. I'll have to switch to calling them the "youngers", or something like that. Anyway, it's been a year full of highs and lows, really hard and really sweet. And all have kept me on my knees.

Highs and Lows, Woos and Poos, Roses and Thorns 

House:

The additions are nearing completion. The drywallers have finished with the apartment side and are wrapping up taping and texturing on the game room side. We have selected flooring, and it is scheduled for installation in July. Our goal is to have everything completed by the end of August, beginning of September. Oh, it will be so nice to be done. Not just to have the space, which will be so lovely for hosting more parties and friends, and to have an income generator right on our property, but to be done. No more construction dust, juggling totes to and fro, up and down. A place for everything and everything in its place.

Tom:

Tom is officially done with his Associate's in Nursing!! He had his pinning ceremony at the beginning of May. Since then, he's been fielding job offers, studying for the NCLEX, working as a PTA, and acting as GC for the house project. He'll take the five-hour NCLEX test to get his nursing license this coming Monday. Please pray! Once he passes the big test, has a solid job, and the house is wrapped up or wrapping up, he'll take the last four classes to finish his Bachelor's of Nursing from GCU. The bachelor's would just allow for moving up in management, pursuing further schooling if/when the desire/need arises.

Livvy:

Livvy is 20 and is getting married!!! She and Ezra got engaged on April 3rd down in Mazatlan, MX. Ezra had been texting, emailing, and talking to Tom about his desire to marry Liv. After discussions, questions, and answers, Tom gave his blessing, and Ezra proposed. They were both back in May for graduations, a bridal shower, wedding dress shopping, etc. Thankfully, we've gotten all of the big decisions taken care of: a venue, wedding dress, officiant, photographer, DJ, bridal party, and groomsmen. It's been so good to see God's hand at work through all these little details. This summer, we'll take care of all the other minor details and prepare for the October wedding. Once they're married, God has called them to continue to serve with YWAM down in Mazatlan. So excited for these two!! If you feel God's leading, they would love others to partner with them in prayer and finances.

Sam:

Sam is 18 and graduated from high school! He wrapped up his track and field career on a high, breaking NPA's javelin record again!!. After starting the year recovering from ankle surgery, and then dealing with shoulder pain and then an elbow injury, he was able to throw 153.8'! He was really hoping for more, but, as usual, in Sam fashion, he handled it with grace and a good attitude through it all. We're so proud of him!! Sam only had one class to finish up to get all the credits he needed to graduate, so he spent most of his time going from his construction job to volleyball practice, and then on to track practice. Sometimes all in the same day. He was a busy, busy boy.

Ben:

Ben is 16, almost 17, and got his driver's license last summer. It gave him the freedom that he really wanted. He loves working on and driving our huge Ford F250. He has quite a knack for understanding engines and all things mechanical. School was a little rough this year, but we survived somehow. For a winter job, he had been hired to shovel snow, but it actually turned out to be one of the worst years for shoveling, and he only shoveled once. He recently got a job at Dairy Queen, which he's been liking. This past year, he wasn't as busy as he, or I, needed to be. It seems he's very much into trying to define or redefine himself, figure out who he is. Does he like mountain biking, track, hunting, fishing, skiing, dancing, and/or dirt-bike riding because he likes it, or because his friends do? He's been trying on activities and personas like you would try on jeans at Walmart. I just keep praying that God would direct him to who He made him to be.

Both Sam and Ben are headed to Alaska on June 15th until the end of July/beginning of August. They'll be heading up to Bristol Bay to setnet salmon with our good friend Lyle and his family. Sam has gone the last two summers, and this will be Ben's first. I'm so grateful for this opportunity for both of them!

Jon:

Jon is 14 and just graduated from 8th grade!! He continues to be a very responsible, fun, tech-savvy kid. He has really been loving flying lessons, and is desperate to drive and build another computer from scratch. Since I was teaching high school biology at Cornerstone, I had Jon take it so he could knock out some of his high school coursework early. He did a great job! At this point, he's aiming at being an airline pilot, but I can see him partnering that with some other computer-related job.

Danner:

Danner is 11 and excels in creativity. He's tried building crossbows from tree branches, PVC pipe, loves listening to stories while building all sorts of Lego structures, and spends hours sculpting "little nerdy" monsters, to quote Adam from North of the Border - a YouTuber whom Danner watches for inspiration. He still struggles in the reading department, but he is improving, which is so fun to see/hear! He and Zac have also just recently started taking blacksmith lessons from a friend at church. They are loving it! After being in Drama class at Cornerstone, Danner is super excited to try his hand at acting in the Arizona Children's Theater's production of Madagascar this summer. It'll be fun to watch him on stage.

Zac:

Zac is 9 and has waited all year so that he could play summer soccer again. He's so excited for summer soccer to begin! He's almost old enough to play for Flagstaff Christian School's boys soccer team during the school year - just one more year to go! Zac also has been struggling with reading, but just like Danner, he is making lots of progress. I've been SO thankful for my good friend, Angela, who has been tutoring them!! Zac also loves to build with Legos, sculpt his own little clay monsters, listen to audiobooks, and play games. He used to not be fun to play with because he was so competitive, but he has matured greatly in that area, and can now, most of the time, just play for the sake of playing.

All of these events and lives are such an intermixing of highs and lows. The beautiful blooming rose that has thorns up and down its stem.

A friend recently shared this on Facebook that I need to read over and over again. It is quite poignant and offers so much of the hope that I need.

“You can’t protect your child from their testimony.”

Whew. I saw that quote this morning and something about it just hit me… especially here at the beach, watching the waves. There’s something about the ocean that reminds me I’m not in control. The tide comes in, the tide goes out… and I can’t stop it. Just like I can’t stop the waves of life from hitting my kids. 

I’ve tried. Lord knows, I’ve tried. As a mama, it’s in our nature to protect. To fix. But the older my kids get, the more I realize some things. I can’t stop the fire God will use to refine them. 

I can’t interrupt the brokenness He may use to draw them close, and I can’t rescue them from the very thing that will become their testimony.

I can pray and intercede I cannot be their Savior. 

Only Jesus can do that. 

The hard truth? Their testimony may include some things I never wanted for them. But if it brings them to their knees, and into His arms… then so be it.

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart…”

— Jeremiah 1:5

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…”
— Revelation 12:11

We raise them. We teach them. We love them.
But at the end of the day, we release them into His hands, His timing, and His plans.
I’ll say, “Lord, they are all Yours.”
And then a few days later, I’m trying to fix it or control the situation somehow. I want to protect them from making the wrong decisions like I did.
But here’s the truth God keeps whispering:
"You can’t protect them from the very thing I may use to bring them to Me."

So, that is life right now. Watching, waiting, hoping, praising, and praying for His hand throughout all of our lives. To not only make my kids love and follow Jesus, but to help me to as well.