Thursday, September 8, 2011

Just Thinking

I found this post in my drafts.  I'm not sure why it never got published, but here it is, 1-1/2 years later:

Sometimes I can get myself overwhelmed.  I think what it truly is is that I think too much.  It becomes a problem when I let myself think too much on all the wrong things.  Thankfully I don't feel like it defines my life or that I'm constantly battling wrong thoughts, but there are those moments.

Moments when I start comparing:
This mom over here prepares very healthy meals for kids.  They are strong and healthy.  This other mom is so creative with homeschooling, so organized and on top of everything.  Her kids love school and are thriving.  And yet another mom has such well-mannered, obedient children.  She's sweet with them and they listen happily.

Moments when the kids are all acting up at the same time. I think, what the heck am I doing?! Something is not working. If we can't get it right with the ones that we have, we have no business having more.

Moments when I think, how can anybody go on after losing a child?  And then I remember that our sweet little baby died.  We lost a baby.  What am I supposed to do?  How can this happen?

My heart starts to race and I start feeling panicky.  Fear creeps in.


Usually these little worry sessions don't last long.  I try to remember that:
1.) You/I should never compare.  All those moms that I am comparing myself to might be better in that area than I am.  But they might lack in another.  We're all in process.

Deep breath.  Nobody is perfect.  One thing at a time.

2.) Children are a blessing.  Yes, they are currently behaving like rabid monkeys, but...  Just like it is hard for me to unlearn bad habits and stop thinking that this world revolves around me, how much more so with their limited understanding is it hard for them to stop being selfish.  Without getting frustrated and angry with them, I need to lovingly guide and train them time and time again.  And apologize when I don't do it right and start over again. 

Deep breath.  Children aren't perfect - not one of them.

3.)  God is good.  Even when "bad" things happen God is still speaking and God is still good.  He doesn't lose His goodness just because I don't understand or don't agree.  His plans for me are good.  He leads me beside still waters.  He leads me into the valley of the shadow of death.  And He prepares a table for me.

Deep breath.  God is perfect.  He is near to those who call upon Him.  He will comfort those who mourn.

1 comment:

Coby said...

This was good. Reeeeealllly good. I compare myself and my kids all too often and think, "I have no clue what I'm doing!"; I find myself dwelling on the wrong things and getting overwhelmed all too often (God JUST set me free from anxiety attacks! Woot-woot!). I've wondered if God's will toward me really IS good. And it all comes back to me trusting Him even more with my life!